Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Terrible idea I love it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
