its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
