suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
