Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
