I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
