God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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