i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
