Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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