I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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