ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
