I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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