you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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