I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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