I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
