I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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