So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
