I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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