Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
