I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
