just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
