Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
