Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
