shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
