FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
