gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
