We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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