..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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