i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
