my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
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Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
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