but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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