There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
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I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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