I've blown a few things in my day
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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