I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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