I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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