if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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