Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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