HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
