Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
how does that bad decision feel?
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