I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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