Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
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You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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