Already got asked if we're dating
Me too!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
