According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
