she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.