You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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