i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
