grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
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Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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