Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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