apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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