Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
