Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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