He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
