You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
