He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize