I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
