I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
