I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Never joke about your clitoris.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
