Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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