Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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